In England, it's Boxing Day, in Canada, it's also Boxing Day. Here in the US, it's merely the day after Christmas.
When we were young, we often celebrated on January 6, the Epiphany, or "Little Christmas." We'd leave the tree and other Christmas baubles up until then, and just use the day to close everything down for the new year. Right now, it's merely the sales day, more potent than the day after Thanksgiving, because a lot of stores just want to unload a bunch of stuff and sell it quickly. In my estimation, this year, the stores are probably packed to help many actually spend the money that a lot of people didn't get to spend on the holiday itself.
I mention all this because some religious folks on the right blame secular beliefs for creating the commercialism of the say they consider most holy. I contend that these folks are just addled in their brains. You go into a store and you find chaos and mayhem, and if you asked them if they believed in a god, and they would say, yes I do. Then they're off to purloin some items with a deep discount and they think nothing of it. I contend that the day after Christmas has nothing to do with religious beliefs, just people eager to spend the money they didn't spend before the holiday.
Gonna fly now--spending a little, but not much. I simply don't have it to spend. But that's okay. The essentials are just as important as the frills. Perhaps even more so.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
No Right to Judge
I'm going to get this blog going, by reprinting articles from my other blogs, hoping to boil it down to one blog. It's easier to live with one, than try to keep up with more than one!
____________________________________________________________
Let's say you're my friend. You have just suffered a loss, a deep personal one, and you are grieving. I come to you, sit down, and I listen to you and help you achieve catharsis. When you are done and it's time for me to contribute to the conversation, I simply tell you I care, that I will try to understand as best as I am able, and I let you know that you can come to me anytime you need to talk, and I will listen.
Fair enough, right? I've done what a friend would do most of the time for their friends--be there for them when the need arises. I don't judge whether the loss was something you could have prevented, I don't lecture you on why you should have done something different and I don't try to put my values, moral or otherwise, on you.
Now, let's say the reverse happened. I'm the one with the problem, and you come to me as a "friend." So you listen (at least I think you're trying to listen, even if you interrupt me endlessly during my talking), and then you take my hand in yours and you say, "I will pray for you, you know; I won't let your soul suffer as I will seek a blessing from Jesus for you."
That's well and good if it's a person from your church who believes the same things you do, or if it's a family member who shares your faith, but this kind of response is completely wrong for someone who doesn't share your beliefs. And nowadays, that is often the case.
I'm an atheist. But I'm also secular and a humanist, and I try to keep religion out of discussions in which a difference in beliefs might make some awkward moments. That's how I try to deal with people for the most part, and how some of my dearest friends have been in the past, including one close friend who was a devout Catholic, but who never pushed it on me, despite the fact that I grew up Catholic and "escaped" from it!
But if someone has to inject their faith into any conversations they have with others, especially when they know definitely that the person they're speaking with is not of their faith, how much of a friend are they? If they try to negate the part of you that is either not religious or of a different belief, they cannot really respect you for being who you are--instead, they are transferring their values onto you, and thereupon find you lacking by their moral standards.
I'm pregnant, and I want an abortion....by my belief system, it's got nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with me, a woman, making a choice. By your belief system, I'm going to hell for killing a "baby!" So you feel morally superior to me basing my choice on your rationale.
I'm gay, and I love my partner, with whom I've spent more years than you have with your spouse. By my reasoning, why would you have anything to say about who I care to love and want to spend my life with? You, on the other hand, see nothing wrong with having multiple partners, or multiple spouses, but have a problem with two people with the same equipment caring and loving each other. Again, you are transferring your moral judgement on my life.
I'm for gun control, you love to shoot guns. I don't eat any animal products, you crave steaks about every 20 minutes. I believe that it took many millions of years for this world and all the life on it to evolve into what we know today--you believe that a lot of begatting only took about 10,000 years, and that when your ancestors were little, they used to have Dino the Dinosaur as a family pet.
It doesn't matter. It really can't matter when you come right down to it--no single person on the face of this planet (except if you are one of an identical twin) has gone through the same experiences, has the same genes, or even the same ideas. And that's the joy of being who we are. We are the world (and no, don't cue up the Michael Jackson song, either!) and we are a world of differences. If we were all the same, we might as well be robots or clones, because innovation, ideas and inventions would never come, would never be able to discover the joy at finding out about another person.
I confess: I still have a lot of fury at a former friend because she chose to let her religious beliefs come between us. She always injected her fundie beliefs and values into conversations, and then she got offended the day I told her that I couldn't stand her and the "fucking fundies" she was part of. But during a particularly desperate year in her life, I was there for her, talking about everything in the world (as long as it didn't involve religion) and tried to listen to her without making any moral assumptions. And as a thank you, I had to listen to her rants about gays being evil, about those who had abortions being whores and worse, about how my soul was headed straight for the deepest bowels of hell, and about her being morally superior to me because she had been "reborn" and brought Christ into her life. Oh, and yes, I almost forgot: how Muslims worshipped the "anti-Christ."
I don't ask the people I meet for the first time about what they believe in. It's immaterial, and it isn't any of my damned business. I will argue with you if I find you voted for GWB, but that's far more important than whether you have a personal "savior" or are Wiccan and keep an alter in your bedroom. Who is to know if Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus Christ, or Zeus is the better idol? Who is to question whether you are a better human being if you worship cows or eat them? That's your choice, and I've got mine. Mine says that I have a right to mine, and you have a right to yours. But if yours says that you have a right to yours, and that I have a right to yours, I will surely find you morally repugnant for not extending the same courtesy to me that I have extended to you.
The fact is, we're all right, and we're all wrong. We come at decisions from different viewpoints, we come with a set of values which we inherited from our ancestors, and we will add some new values through our own experiences. If we or our children go to a public school, there is no room--none whatsoever--for religion to be part of a mandatory curriculum. On the other hand, if you or your child goes to a private or parochial school, or if you are homeschooling your child, you are paying or playing to impart to them whatever you want.
I could never be considered shy, nor am I ever anything less than outspoken. But if you give me no reason to attack you on any of your beliefs, you should accept the same from me. Don't tell me smugly that my "god is less than your god," because so help me, I'm to the point where if you do, I will seriously contemplate hauling back and breaking your nose. Treat me as you wish to be treated: nothing less than that. How much simpler can my argument get?
____________________________________________________________
Let's say you're my friend. You have just suffered a loss, a deep personal one, and you are grieving. I come to you, sit down, and I listen to you and help you achieve catharsis. When you are done and it's time for me to contribute to the conversation, I simply tell you I care, that I will try to understand as best as I am able, and I let you know that you can come to me anytime you need to talk, and I will listen.
Fair enough, right? I've done what a friend would do most of the time for their friends--be there for them when the need arises. I don't judge whether the loss was something you could have prevented, I don't lecture you on why you should have done something different and I don't try to put my values, moral or otherwise, on you.
Now, let's say the reverse happened. I'm the one with the problem, and you come to me as a "friend." So you listen (at least I think you're trying to listen, even if you interrupt me endlessly during my talking), and then you take my hand in yours and you say, "I will pray for you, you know; I won't let your soul suffer as I will seek a blessing from Jesus for you."
That's well and good if it's a person from your church who believes the same things you do, or if it's a family member who shares your faith, but this kind of response is completely wrong for someone who doesn't share your beliefs. And nowadays, that is often the case.
I'm an atheist. But I'm also secular and a humanist, and I try to keep religion out of discussions in which a difference in beliefs might make some awkward moments. That's how I try to deal with people for the most part, and how some of my dearest friends have been in the past, including one close friend who was a devout Catholic, but who never pushed it on me, despite the fact that I grew up Catholic and "escaped" from it!
But if someone has to inject their faith into any conversations they have with others, especially when they know definitely that the person they're speaking with is not of their faith, how much of a friend are they? If they try to negate the part of you that is either not religious or of a different belief, they cannot really respect you for being who you are--instead, they are transferring their values onto you, and thereupon find you lacking by their moral standards.
I'm pregnant, and I want an abortion....by my belief system, it's got nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with me, a woman, making a choice. By your belief system, I'm going to hell for killing a "baby!" So you feel morally superior to me basing my choice on your rationale.
I'm gay, and I love my partner, with whom I've spent more years than you have with your spouse. By my reasoning, why would you have anything to say about who I care to love and want to spend my life with? You, on the other hand, see nothing wrong with having multiple partners, or multiple spouses, but have a problem with two people with the same equipment caring and loving each other. Again, you are transferring your moral judgement on my life.
I'm for gun control, you love to shoot guns. I don't eat any animal products, you crave steaks about every 20 minutes. I believe that it took many millions of years for this world and all the life on it to evolve into what we know today--you believe that a lot of begatting only took about 10,000 years, and that when your ancestors were little, they used to have Dino the Dinosaur as a family pet.
It doesn't matter. It really can't matter when you come right down to it--no single person on the face of this planet (except if you are one of an identical twin) has gone through the same experiences, has the same genes, or even the same ideas. And that's the joy of being who we are. We are the world (and no, don't cue up the Michael Jackson song, either!) and we are a world of differences. If we were all the same, we might as well be robots or clones, because innovation, ideas and inventions would never come, would never be able to discover the joy at finding out about another person.
I confess: I still have a lot of fury at a former friend because she chose to let her religious beliefs come between us. She always injected her fundie beliefs and values into conversations, and then she got offended the day I told her that I couldn't stand her and the "fucking fundies" she was part of. But during a particularly desperate year in her life, I was there for her, talking about everything in the world (as long as it didn't involve religion) and tried to listen to her without making any moral assumptions. And as a thank you, I had to listen to her rants about gays being evil, about those who had abortions being whores and worse, about how my soul was headed straight for the deepest bowels of hell, and about her being morally superior to me because she had been "reborn" and brought Christ into her life. Oh, and yes, I almost forgot: how Muslims worshipped the "anti-Christ."
I don't ask the people I meet for the first time about what they believe in. It's immaterial, and it isn't any of my damned business. I will argue with you if I find you voted for GWB, but that's far more important than whether you have a personal "savior" or are Wiccan and keep an alter in your bedroom. Who is to know if Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus Christ, or Zeus is the better idol? Who is to question whether you are a better human being if you worship cows or eat them? That's your choice, and I've got mine. Mine says that I have a right to mine, and you have a right to yours. But if yours says that you have a right to yours, and that I have a right to yours, I will surely find you morally repugnant for not extending the same courtesy to me that I have extended to you.
The fact is, we're all right, and we're all wrong. We come at decisions from different viewpoints, we come with a set of values which we inherited from our ancestors, and we will add some new values through our own experiences. If we or our children go to a public school, there is no room--none whatsoever--for religion to be part of a mandatory curriculum. On the other hand, if you or your child goes to a private or parochial school, or if you are homeschooling your child, you are paying or playing to impart to them whatever you want.
I could never be considered shy, nor am I ever anything less than outspoken. But if you give me no reason to attack you on any of your beliefs, you should accept the same from me. Don't tell me smugly that my "god is less than your god," because so help me, I'm to the point where if you do, I will seriously contemplate hauling back and breaking your nose. Treat me as you wish to be treated: nothing less than that. How much simpler can my argument get?
Friday, April 10, 2009
From belief.net
"Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness."
Reinhold Niebuhr
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness."
Reinhold Niebuhr
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
People who harm or torture animals should be punished
America is learning this, one evil bastard at a time: Bill Frist, Michael Vick, Mitt Romney.......
I say, keep it up, America! Teach anyone who tries to rationalize such obscenities that most people are getting wiser to the facts, and that animals feel pain and misery just as much as the rest of us do.
"Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace. It is man's sympathy with all creatures that first makes him truly a man." Albert Schweitzer
I say, keep it up, America! Teach anyone who tries to rationalize such obscenities that most people are getting wiser to the facts, and that animals feel pain and misery just as much as the rest of us do.
"Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace. It is man's sympathy with all creatures that first makes him truly a man." Albert Schweitzer
Blame
There have been many posts at some of the websites I visit on a daily basis about people who are overweight, and those who discriminate against them simply on the basis of their weight.
One of the predominant sentiments running through the threads was complaining that many of these weight "offenders" was the reason that health care in this country was not only so expensive, but that so many of the diseases and illnesses in this country are caused by overeating and unhealthy lifestyles.
I now offer a different viewpoint:
1) Smokers should be executed, then, because the second-hand smoke they produce is killing others, and they are knowingly contributing to the ill health of others. Indeed, it is a proven fact that children with smokers in the house have higher incidents of asthma and other lung problems. Should we then raise the rates for all smokers in this country, or try once again to prohibit the sale of cigarettes?
2) We ALL know that people should not drink and drive, but they do anyhow. And as a result, there are multiple deaths of both the offenders and victims of such clashes. From now on, no crap about "three strikes" anymore--first offenders of any kind of accident caused by drinking and driving should result in 25 years to life regardless of their age or the fact that it's their "first" offense. First offense implies that there WILL be other offenses. AND we can't forget how many victims who end up in hospitals as a result of accidents who have no insurance--as a result, hospital fees try to collect costs from everyone else who happens to come into the hospital who DOES have coverage.
3) We must not forget drug offenders. Their habits have any number of potential crimes against others, as well as crimes against themselves. The appearance in any relatively big ER testifies to this. Not only are many drug addicts without health insurance, and thus their care and feeding are a burden on those who pay taxes, but the government spends a WHOLE lot of money on drug crime enforcement that could be used in other, crucial areas.
4) Homelessness. Who can forget that we must all bear the cost for those who are homeless! Between shelters, soup kitchens, tents, charities in general, death, and crimes against and by homeless folk, the burden that they inflict is astronomical.
5) Anorexia, bulimia and other disorders related to eating: Are those of you who are anti-fatties really going to tell me that those on the opposite end of the spectrum are somehow more "normal" than those who are overweight? Those with serious eating behaviors such as anorexia are often in FAR worst health than those who might be a higher BMI. There comes a point where someone with anorexia will be damaging every organ in their bodies, and death is not only more likely, but there is little cure for those for whom such illnesses are addictions or biological. And, once again, health insurance for many of these is non-existent.
6) And we must not forget sex! Those who engage in sex practices who end up with HIV or other STDs are only putting themselves at risk; yes, blame that on all those "homosexuals" ( ) who are spreading AIDS and HIV around, nevermind that STDs in general have been around for a couple of hundred years already, and that the number of those who acquire HIV or full blown AIDS has grown for heterosexuals, as well as the number of those who acquire it from other sources (tainted blood transfusions, illegal intravenous drug use) has risen.
Someone once said that those who are addicted to substances such as drugs, alcohol, or other substances can find ways to be cured by eliminating those things from their lives. Those who are addicted to food have no such recourse--we all must eat to survive.
Those who are obese because of bad diets or overeating is only a percentage of those who have a higher BMI. Hypothyroidism, inherited high triglycerides, slow metabolism, propensity to a higher weight, pain, athrititis, and a hundred other factors play a part in one's weight. For an example, some nationalities simply have a higher weight from genetics, while many people were born with high cholesterol, triglycerides, or some other factor, even if they ate a perfect diet all their lives. While many factors which lead to such addictions as alcoholism, drug addiction, smoking, and sex are just as dangerous, and in fact most often are even greater risks, those subjects are considered to be cause for concern by liberals.
Many of those who are overweight don't even overeat. Many follow more restrictive diets than many others, and still the weight does not come off easily or quickly. Even those who aren't on diets eat less than most "normal" people, therefore belying the image of some glutton chowing down on a ton of food at each session.
If you have made fun of someone who is larger than you, try taking a small timeout and put yourself in their shoes. Think about how these people are ostracized, made fun of, thought of as inferior to "normal" people, and then think of the list above. I'd rather that NO one be discriminated against, frankly, but it's never going to be stopped in my lifetime. Children who experience such bigotry during their childhood because of factors that they can't control or should never need to, grow up to be people with severe self-esteem problems, or who practice some form of self-abuse every day. Why not? When they were younger, they were told by so many strangers that they shouldn't live because they were fat, or that they were a pox on society, ot some other derision based on absolutely nothing other than the fear of the individual who made the remark. A child doesn't have the ability to distinguish between an asshole making a stupid comment or someone making a contructive remark--they only know that they have been told they aren't good enough, and as a result, deserve to be punished. When that happens, we are ALL instruments of destruction, and not just insensitive bastards who don't have the good sense to keep our mouths shut.
One of the predominant sentiments running through the threads was complaining that many of these weight "offenders" was the reason that health care in this country was not only so expensive, but that so many of the diseases and illnesses in this country are caused by overeating and unhealthy lifestyles.
I now offer a different viewpoint:
1) Smokers should be executed, then, because the second-hand smoke they produce is killing others, and they are knowingly contributing to the ill health of others. Indeed, it is a proven fact that children with smokers in the house have higher incidents of asthma and other lung problems. Should we then raise the rates for all smokers in this country, or try once again to prohibit the sale of cigarettes?
2) We ALL know that people should not drink and drive, but they do anyhow. And as a result, there are multiple deaths of both the offenders and victims of such clashes. From now on, no crap about "three strikes" anymore--first offenders of any kind of accident caused by drinking and driving should result in 25 years to life regardless of their age or the fact that it's their "first" offense. First offense implies that there WILL be other offenses. AND we can't forget how many victims who end up in hospitals as a result of accidents who have no insurance--as a result, hospital fees try to collect costs from everyone else who happens to come into the hospital who DOES have coverage.
3) We must not forget drug offenders. Their habits have any number of potential crimes against others, as well as crimes against themselves. The appearance in any relatively big ER testifies to this. Not only are many drug addicts without health insurance, and thus their care and feeding are a burden on those who pay taxes, but the government spends a WHOLE lot of money on drug crime enforcement that could be used in other, crucial areas.
4) Homelessness. Who can forget that we must all bear the cost for those who are homeless! Between shelters, soup kitchens, tents, charities in general, death, and crimes against and by homeless folk, the burden that they inflict is astronomical.
5) Anorexia, bulimia and other disorders related to eating: Are those of you who are anti-fatties really going to tell me that those on the opposite end of the spectrum are somehow more "normal" than those who are overweight? Those with serious eating behaviors such as anorexia are often in FAR worst health than those who might be a higher BMI. There comes a point where someone with anorexia will be damaging every organ in their bodies, and death is not only more likely, but there is little cure for those for whom such illnesses are addictions or biological. And, once again, health insurance for many of these is non-existent.
6) And we must not forget sex! Those who engage in sex practices who end up with HIV or other STDs are only putting themselves at risk; yes, blame that on all those "homosexuals" ( ) who are spreading AIDS and HIV around, nevermind that STDs in general have been around for a couple of hundred years already, and that the number of those who acquire HIV or full blown AIDS has grown for heterosexuals, as well as the number of those who acquire it from other sources (tainted blood transfusions, illegal intravenous drug use) has risen.
Someone once said that those who are addicted to substances such as drugs, alcohol, or other substances can find ways to be cured by eliminating those things from their lives. Those who are addicted to food have no such recourse--we all must eat to survive.
Those who are obese because of bad diets or overeating is only a percentage of those who have a higher BMI. Hypothyroidism, inherited high triglycerides, slow metabolism, propensity to a higher weight, pain, athrititis, and a hundred other factors play a part in one's weight. For an example, some nationalities simply have a higher weight from genetics, while many people were born with high cholesterol, triglycerides, or some other factor, even if they ate a perfect diet all their lives. While many factors which lead to such addictions as alcoholism, drug addiction, smoking, and sex are just as dangerous, and in fact most often are even greater risks, those subjects are considered to be cause for concern by liberals.
Many of those who are overweight don't even overeat. Many follow more restrictive diets than many others, and still the weight does not come off easily or quickly. Even those who aren't on diets eat less than most "normal" people, therefore belying the image of some glutton chowing down on a ton of food at each session.
If you have made fun of someone who is larger than you, try taking a small timeout and put yourself in their shoes. Think about how these people are ostracized, made fun of, thought of as inferior to "normal" people, and then think of the list above. I'd rather that NO one be discriminated against, frankly, but it's never going to be stopped in my lifetime. Children who experience such bigotry during their childhood because of factors that they can't control or should never need to, grow up to be people with severe self-esteem problems, or who practice some form of self-abuse every day. Why not? When they were younger, they were told by so many strangers that they shouldn't live because they were fat, or that they were a pox on society, ot some other derision based on absolutely nothing other than the fear of the individual who made the remark. A child doesn't have the ability to distinguish between an asshole making a stupid comment or someone making a contructive remark--they only know that they have been told they aren't good enough, and as a result, deserve to be punished. When that happens, we are ALL instruments of destruction, and not just insensitive bastards who don't have the good sense to keep our mouths shut.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
No Right to Judge
Let's say you're my friend. You have just suffered a loss, a deep personal one, and you are grieving. I come to you, sit down, and I listen to you and help you achieve catharsis. When you are done and it's time for me to contribute to the conversation, I simply tell you I care, that I will try to understand as best as I am able, and I let you know that you can come to me anytime you need to talk, and I will listen.
Fair enough, right? I've done what a friend would do most of the time for their friends--be there for them when the need arises. I don't judge whether the loss was something you could have prevented, I don't lecture you on why you should have done something different and I don't try to put my values, moral or otherwise, on you.
Now, let's say the reverse happened. I'm the one with the problem, and you come to me as a "friend." So you listen (at least I think you're trying to listen, even if you interrupt me endlessly during my talking), and then you take my hand in yours and you say, "I will pray for you, you know; I won't let your soul suffer as I will seek a blessing from Jesus for you."
That's well and good if it's a person from your church who believes the same things you do, or if it's a family member who shares your faith, but this kind of response is completely wrong for someone who doesn't share your beliefs. And nowadays, that is often the case.
I'm an atheist. But I'm also secular and a humanist, and I try to keep religion out of discussions in which a difference in beliefs might make some awkward moments. That's how I try to deal with people for the most part, and how some of my dearest friends have been in the past, including one close friend who was a devout Catholic, but who never pushed it on me, despite the fact that I grew up Catholic and "escaped" from it!
But if someone has to inject their faith into any conversations they have with others, especially when they know definitely that the person they're speaking with is not of their faith, how much of a friend are they? If they try to negate the part of you that is either not religious or of a different belief, they cannot really respect you for being who you are--instead, they are transferring their values onto you, and thereupon find you lacking by their moral standards.
I'm pregnant, and I want an abortion....by my belief system, it's got nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with me, a woman, making a choice. By your belief system, I'm going to hell for killing a "baby!" So you feel morally superior to me basing my choice on your rationale.
I'm gay, and I love my partner, with whom I've spent more years than you have with your spouse. By my reasoning, why would you have anything to say about who I care to love and want to spend my life with? You, on the other hand, see nothing wrong with having multiple partners, or multiple spouses, but have a problem with two people with the same equipment caring and loving each other. Again, you are transferring your moral judgement on my life.
I'm for gun control, you love to shoot guns. I don't eat any animal products, you crave steaks about every 20 minutes. I believe that it took many millions of years for this world and all the life on it to evolve into what we know today--you believe that a lot of begatting only took about 10,000 years, and that when your ancestors were little, they used to have Dino the Dinosaur as a family pet.
It doesn't matter. It really can't matter when you come right down to it--no single person on the face of this planet (except if you are one of an identical twin) has gone through the same experiences, has the same genes, or even the same ideas. And that's the joy of being who we are. We are the world (and no, don't cue up the Michael Jackson song, either!) and we are a world of differences. If we were all the same, we might as well be robots or clones, because innovation, ideas and inventions would never come, would never be able to discover the joy at finding out about another person.
I confess: I still have a lot of fury at a former friend because she chose to let her religious beliefs come between us. She always injected her fundie beliefs and values into conversations, and then she got offended the day I told her that I couldn't stand her and the "fucking fundies" she was part of. But during a particularly desperate year in her life, I was there for her, talking about everything in the world (as long as it didn't involve religion) and tried to listen to her without making any moral assumptions. And as a thank you, I had to listen to her rants about gays being evil, about those who had abortions being whores and worse, about how my soul was headed straight for the deepest bowels of hell, and about her being morally superior to me because she had been "reborn" and brought Christ into her life. Oh, and yes, I almost forgot: how Muslims worshipped the "anti-Christ."
I don't ask the people I meet for the first time about what they believe in. It's immaterial, and it isn't any of my damned business. I will argue with you if I find you voted for GWB, but that's far more important than whether you have a personal "savior" or are Wiccan and keep an alter in your bedroom. Who is to know if Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus Christ, or Zeus is the better idol? Who is to question whether you are a better human being if you worship cows or eat them? That's your choice, and I've got mine. Mine says that I have a right to mine, and you have a right to yours. But if yours says that you have a right to yours, and that I have a right to yours, I will surely find you morally repugnant for not extending the same courtesy to me that I have extended to you.
The fact is, we're all right, and we're all wrong. We come at decisions from different viewpoints, we come with a set of values which we inherited from our ancestors, and we will add some new values through our own experiences. If we or our children go to a public school, there is no room--none whatsoever--for religion to be part of a mandatory curriculum. On the other hand, if you or your child goes to a private or parochial school, or if you are homeschooling your child, you are paying or playing to impart to them whatever you want.
I could never be considered shy, nor am I ever anything less than outspoken. But if you give me no reason to attack you on any of your beliefs, you should accept the same from me. Don't tell me smugly that my "god is less than your god," because so help me, I'm to the point where if you do, I will seriously contemplate hauling back and breaking your nose. Treat me as you wish to be treated: nothing less than that. How much simpler can my argument get?
Fair enough, right? I've done what a friend would do most of the time for their friends--be there for them when the need arises. I don't judge whether the loss was something you could have prevented, I don't lecture you on why you should have done something different and I don't try to put my values, moral or otherwise, on you.
Now, let's say the reverse happened. I'm the one with the problem, and you come to me as a "friend." So you listen (at least I think you're trying to listen, even if you interrupt me endlessly during my talking), and then you take my hand in yours and you say, "I will pray for you, you know; I won't let your soul suffer as I will seek a blessing from Jesus for you."
That's well and good if it's a person from your church who believes the same things you do, or if it's a family member who shares your faith, but this kind of response is completely wrong for someone who doesn't share your beliefs. And nowadays, that is often the case.
I'm an atheist. But I'm also secular and a humanist, and I try to keep religion out of discussions in which a difference in beliefs might make some awkward moments. That's how I try to deal with people for the most part, and how some of my dearest friends have been in the past, including one close friend who was a devout Catholic, but who never pushed it on me, despite the fact that I grew up Catholic and "escaped" from it!
But if someone has to inject their faith into any conversations they have with others, especially when they know definitely that the person they're speaking with is not of their faith, how much of a friend are they? If they try to negate the part of you that is either not religious or of a different belief, they cannot really respect you for being who you are--instead, they are transferring their values onto you, and thereupon find you lacking by their moral standards.
I'm pregnant, and I want an abortion....by my belief system, it's got nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with me, a woman, making a choice. By your belief system, I'm going to hell for killing a "baby!" So you feel morally superior to me basing my choice on your rationale.
I'm gay, and I love my partner, with whom I've spent more years than you have with your spouse. By my reasoning, why would you have anything to say about who I care to love and want to spend my life with? You, on the other hand, see nothing wrong with having multiple partners, or multiple spouses, but have a problem with two people with the same equipment caring and loving each other. Again, you are transferring your moral judgement on my life.
I'm for gun control, you love to shoot guns. I don't eat any animal products, you crave steaks about every 20 minutes. I believe that it took many millions of years for this world and all the life on it to evolve into what we know today--you believe that a lot of begatting only took about 10,000 years, and that when your ancestors were little, they used to have Dino the Dinosaur as a family pet.
It doesn't matter. It really can't matter when you come right down to it--no single person on the face of this planet (except if you are one of an identical twin) has gone through the same experiences, has the same genes, or even the same ideas. And that's the joy of being who we are. We are the world (and no, don't cue up the Michael Jackson song, either!) and we are a world of differences. If we were all the same, we might as well be robots or clones, because innovation, ideas and inventions would never come, would never be able to discover the joy at finding out about another person.
I confess: I still have a lot of fury at a former friend because she chose to let her religious beliefs come between us. She always injected her fundie beliefs and values into conversations, and then she got offended the day I told her that I couldn't stand her and the "fucking fundies" she was part of. But during a particularly desperate year in her life, I was there for her, talking about everything in the world (as long as it didn't involve religion) and tried to listen to her without making any moral assumptions. And as a thank you, I had to listen to her rants about gays being evil, about those who had abortions being whores and worse, about how my soul was headed straight for the deepest bowels of hell, and about her being morally superior to me because she had been "reborn" and brought Christ into her life. Oh, and yes, I almost forgot: how Muslims worshipped the "anti-Christ."
I don't ask the people I meet for the first time about what they believe in. It's immaterial, and it isn't any of my damned business. I will argue with you if I find you voted for GWB, but that's far more important than whether you have a personal "savior" or are Wiccan and keep an alter in your bedroom. Who is to know if Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus Christ, or Zeus is the better idol? Who is to question whether you are a better human being if you worship cows or eat them? That's your choice, and I've got mine. Mine says that I have a right to mine, and you have a right to yours. But if yours says that you have a right to yours, and that I have a right to yours, I will surely find you morally repugnant for not extending the same courtesy to me that I have extended to you.
The fact is, we're all right, and we're all wrong. We come at decisions from different viewpoints, we come with a set of values which we inherited from our ancestors, and we will add some new values through our own experiences. If we or our children go to a public school, there is no room--none whatsoever--for religion to be part of a mandatory curriculum. On the other hand, if you or your child goes to a private or parochial school, or if you are homeschooling your child, you are paying or playing to impart to them whatever you want.
I could never be considered shy, nor am I ever anything less than outspoken. But if you give me no reason to attack you on any of your beliefs, you should accept the same from me. Don't tell me smugly that my "god is less than your god," because so help me, I'm to the point where if you do, I will seriously contemplate hauling back and breaking your nose. Treat me as you wish to be treated: nothing less than that. How much simpler can my argument get?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
We are all the same under the skin
Cruelty and repression are without culture. It happens everywhere, all the time, and to everyone. It is not limited to Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, communists, conservatives, liberals, or any denomination, color, race, creed or gender.
It happens. It's built right into our genes--we are not that far off from our most distant ancestors, clubbing each other with a wooden club. If it weren't for that savagery, though, we might not have survived this far: no one can deny that for some reason, we progress faster when we are acting our worst toward each other. Still survival of the fittest? Perhaps. But there comes a time when we reach a crossroad, and our minds see and imagine more peace while our instincts still pull us toward another horrible conflict. We try to overcome our desire for violence, but we're still bound by rules that keep us clinging to old ways of death and destruction.
Survival in today's world is still gained by domination and force. It's not going to stop until the human race is dead, period. We kill. We believe we kill for a reason, try to rationalize our choices, but when all is said and done, there is someone standing, and someone not breathing.
There is much to change, but so few to understand, few to comprehend our existence. We can map the human genome, but until the cruelty gene is eradicated, we will always be incapable of evolving beyond our current state of mind.
There is much to be ashamed of in our history, but we still thrive on intense emotion, for bad or good. For every living thing tortured, maimed and killed, there is a Michelangelo, a Shakespeare, a Beethoven. Without the sorrow, there is no joy; without the pain, there is no pleasure.
We are dual beings, living in a world of Heaven and of Hell. We aspire to beauty, but we fall to the ugliness that made our world, our civilization.
It is not one sole group that harms and hinders, it is merely a single aspect of who we are. The main difference is how some will never make that transition from the imagination to the factual, but for others, there is only a threshold to cross to do such horror.
Repression of another, of imprisoning someone weaker than ourselves is not only fact, but common. It is a better person who can think, but not act on the impulses that bring about such calamity. If we were in the situation ourselves, there is always the possibility that we would act similarly, even if we can't visualize it. We're always quick to condemn someoone else who has done something we don't approve of, but until we are in their place, we cannot and should not judge them without at least giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Under the skin, we are all the same: none of us has green blood, four eyes or six arms--we like to think we are better than those who bring harm to another, but we are not.
It happens. It's built right into our genes--we are not that far off from our most distant ancestors, clubbing each other with a wooden club. If it weren't for that savagery, though, we might not have survived this far: no one can deny that for some reason, we progress faster when we are acting our worst toward each other. Still survival of the fittest? Perhaps. But there comes a time when we reach a crossroad, and our minds see and imagine more peace while our instincts still pull us toward another horrible conflict. We try to overcome our desire for violence, but we're still bound by rules that keep us clinging to old ways of death and destruction.
Survival in today's world is still gained by domination and force. It's not going to stop until the human race is dead, period. We kill. We believe we kill for a reason, try to rationalize our choices, but when all is said and done, there is someone standing, and someone not breathing.
There is much to change, but so few to understand, few to comprehend our existence. We can map the human genome, but until the cruelty gene is eradicated, we will always be incapable of evolving beyond our current state of mind.
There is much to be ashamed of in our history, but we still thrive on intense emotion, for bad or good. For every living thing tortured, maimed and killed, there is a Michelangelo, a Shakespeare, a Beethoven. Without the sorrow, there is no joy; without the pain, there is no pleasure.
We are dual beings, living in a world of Heaven and of Hell. We aspire to beauty, but we fall to the ugliness that made our world, our civilization.
It is not one sole group that harms and hinders, it is merely a single aspect of who we are. The main difference is how some will never make that transition from the imagination to the factual, but for others, there is only a threshold to cross to do such horror.
Repression of another, of imprisoning someone weaker than ourselves is not only fact, but common. It is a better person who can think, but not act on the impulses that bring about such calamity. If we were in the situation ourselves, there is always the possibility that we would act similarly, even if we can't visualize it. We're always quick to condemn someoone else who has done something we don't approve of, but until we are in their place, we cannot and should not judge them without at least giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Under the skin, we are all the same: none of us has green blood, four eyes or six arms--we like to think we are better than those who bring harm to another, but we are not.
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